I am a white pencil in a box of colours. I have the sharpest point, the longest body and the least fingerprints. I am the least used. I am pushed to the edge of box, the corner, far out of the way. I observe as each day each colour is used in some magnificent way to create something beautiful. Each colour serves its purpose. Magenta, yellow, green - dark and light. I watch as each pencil fades to a flat and blunt surface, and I watch the way it is sharpened and repurposed for use again to continue on making beauty along the pages. I am a white pencil. I am the least desired pencil in a package of twelve, of twenty-four, of forty-eight. I cannot create masterpieces. I am the odd one out.
I am a white pencil and I am not the only one. In each box of pencils, there is a white pencil. The one who is forced to conform to the normality of colouring on white paper.
I am a white pencil. I am the outcast because my shade is considered pointless. I am a highlight on something that doesn't need highlighting. I will never be picked up and used to create something.
Who ever decided that drawing on white paper was normal? I am a white pencil and I am powerful. I will choose to be used along black paper, where my strength will surface and reveal itself. I will outline and shape and create and manifest imagination into creation with the swiftness of my dance on paper. I am a white pencil. The black paper is pigmented, charcoaled, dark, and I am a white pencil. Each colour requires me to be their foundation, otherwise the colours will not be seen. I am a platform for vibrance. I have influence. My existence is worth something. I am not only valuable, I am essential.
Depression feels like being a white pencil on white paper. The feeling of uselessness, rejection, loneliness, worthlessness; that is how a white pencil would feel next to a white sheet of paper. You may be a white pencil. Maybe you feel each of these emotions. You feel left in a box, stuck, gasping for air. You are isolated, your potential is not being reached. You are a white pencil. Place yourself next to a dark sheet of black paper. You are the light in the dark. You have the potential to change and create something in front of your eyes. To know that you are not just some pathetic piece of pigmented colour concreted between a cylinder of wood, you are worth something so much.
I surrounded myself with sheets of black paper. I never changed that I am a white pencil, pencils just don't change their colour. But I stopped living in a world where white was the paper I was drawing on and started living my life with a black sheet of paper as my default. In an instant, I chose to see the good that potential had in my world, and I unlocked it.
I found an artist whose medium was black paper. I found an artist who accepted that I was different, a little unique and knew the best way to use me. Be a white pencil, and be a good one. Don't let your value be defined by someone who doesn't see your worth, because they could never see how amazing you would look against black paper.
Embrace your uniqueness, your sadness, your melancholy. There is no norm, you create your norm, always choose the black paper. You are never the only white pencil out there.
- Letter to self.